Byer's Basic Blog

just call us the Tunkhannock Times

Meet Steven Wright.

Posted by joelbyer on June 17, 2008

A while back I gave out some profound quotes by Jack Handey. Here is another genius I’ve discovered, Steven Wright. Ponder deeply on his wisdom.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge… you can’t hear him talk.

How young can you die of old age?

I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.

I got this powdered water – now I don’t know what to add.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world… perhaps you’ve seen it.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m gone.

I installed a skylight in my apartment… the people who live above me are furious.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I went to a general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.

I love this guy.


2 Responses to “Meet Steven Wright.”

  1. Esther said

    I liked the one about the cordless extenting cord!!!

  2. teenrev said

    I used to watch this guy on HBO when I was a kid. Man, he is hilarious!

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