Byer's Basic Blog

just call us the Tunkhannock Times

More Jack Handy deep thoughts

Posted by joelbyer on March 7, 2008

…I love this guy.

  • As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way.
  • Somebody told me how frightening it was how
    much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared
  • I think there should be something in science
    called the “reindeer effect.” I don’t know what it would be, but I think it’d be good to hear someone say, “Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect.”
  • I hope some animal never bores a hole in my
    head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.
  • You know something that would really make
    me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?!
  • How come the dove gets to be the peace symbol?
    How about the pillow? It has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn’t have that dangerous beak.
  • If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you’re in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don’t know what to tell you.
  • I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.
  • If you’re in a boxing match, try not to let the other guy’s glove touch your lips, because you don’t know where that
    glove has been.
  • I hope that after I die, people will say of me: That guy sure owed me a lot of money.”
  • Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS? It probably lasts longer, plus it moves
  • For mad scientists who keep brains in jars, here’s a tip: Why not add a slice of lemon to each jar, for freshness?
  • A man doesn’t automatically get my respect. He has to get down in the dirt and beg for it.
  • If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that’s another weakness.
  • If you wear a toupee, why not let your friends try it on for a while? Come on, we’re not going to hurt it.


2 Responses to “More Jack Handy deep thoughts”

  1. LOL

  2. Jan Kring said

    Genial – I accept the idea

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