Byer's Basic Blog

just call us the Tunkhannock Times

Canadian Mump Outbreak!

Posted by joelbyer on May 26, 2007

Yes, again here at BBB, we are on top of the very latest of breaking news. According to this news story, there has been an outbreak of mumps numbering over 300 in Nova Scotia…obviously an epidemic of soon-to-be global proportions.
Now admittedly, (for all my legions of American readers), Nova Scotia is Oh, 1,000 miles away to the east or so, but for your safety as an American, BBB recommends the following steps when meeting a Canadian.
1) Smile at them, but from a distance (this will discourage them from wanting to attack you and thus transmit their diseases)
2) If they offer to shake your hand, politely refuse while mumbling something unintelligible
3) Wear a mask at all times when within 50 miles of the Canadian border.
4) Do NOT tell them, “You can like it or mump it.” This (or similar such expressions) would be a pun in very bad taste and might enrage your average Canadian causing them to throw moose antlers at you…or worse.
5) If you see an actual mump-infested Canadian, contact your local authorities immediately.

Just some helpful info from BBB Northern Command.

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2 Responses to “Canadian Mump Outbreak!”

  1. We’ve been doing all those things on our visits there for years now! I knew I was on the right track…

  2. Chris H. said

    Thanks for the tips on how to greet you in a few weeks at Youth Camp!

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