A while back I gave out some profound quotes by Jack Handey. Here is another genius I’ve discovered, Steven Wright. Ponder deeply on his wisdom.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge… you can’t hear him talk.
How young can you die of old age?
I bought some batteries, but they weren’t included.
I got this powdered water – now I don’t know what to add.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world… perhaps you’ve seen it.
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I’m gone.
I installed a skylight in my apartment… the people who live above me are furious.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn’t park anywhere near the place.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I went to a general store but they wouldn’t let me buy anything specific.
I love this guy.
